Abroad losslessly, Illinois fertile Loess

Baltimore

Its almost as if all the songs I
have been writing were about
him, all of them about death
and its necessity. He was a
Scorpio, ruled by the planet
of death. My show was
cancelled. I am glad to leave
Baltimore for a month now.

Its been raining all day, is
going to now until after the
end of the year. ♥

Brooklyn, New York

I have tried with a friend the meeting of love and forgiveness
but his forgiveness come half of half-way. I cannot see much
being simple between us, because he still has a picture of
me I cannot see. People are still programs with systems and
electricity, we are the software with many bugs and an out-
dated language. He will be the expression of how my love
does have the possibility of running dry, when I have no
words in his presence. If I truly love him I will forget this tor-
ment and save my sentiments for those in my daily life.

The past is a shell the creature has left as evidence of
existence but not as proof of how to exist. The past is not
a map, my friends are not a key to me. My past quarrels
are not necessarily what make me incomplete today as
I find more and more things that are wrong as right with-
in me. If you have a friend who tries to prove you wrong,
you have a friend who may choose you wrong. (riddle)

Jamaica Plain, Boston, MA

I cannot believe I do not have a notebook these days.
I am living amongst such a great deal of creative abundan-
ce and in a way need to sort through this chaos of ideas,
as the intentional seed laid by the farmer needs to fight to
the surface past the area occupied by the weeds of nature.

Recent Jung Heirs have released the mystical "Red Book,"
which brought up Jung's "active imaginations."  or his
experimentation's with mescaline "In order to
grasp the fantasies which were stirring in me 'underground'"
Jung wrote in his book "Memories, Dreams, reflections,""I
knew that I had to let myself plummet down into them."
Sarah Corbett of the New York times made the summation
"He found himself in a liminal place, as full of creative
abundance as it was of potential ruin, believing it to be the
same borderlands traveled by both lunatics and great
artists." Whether I am able to earn either extreme of being
a lunatic or great artist I am certainly on the front of being
potentially ruined.

 Cambridge, Massachusetts

Never practice, you will only be conforming,
never tell anyone you play music, just make it for people,
know that the future does not deal with the sounds able 
to be recreated. This is of the devolution or new  (noise) age.

Just keep on recording without think,
just keep on traveling, nothingness is
the new religion.

Lowell, Massachusetts

What do I call this place?
This place amongst
the internet land, this
space I write now is only
of certain regulated ideas
and feelings. I am leaving
so much out. 

I know I cannot tell the world
of my life now I have much
to develop, and much to
prove to myself in earning
the ethical or moral ego to
say "everything"

Although, I want to put all
my energy into my work.
I will soon learn as I am
learning in small ways
my work is a devolpment
of my spiritual well-being,
my physical, and the etheric.

I am crying or screaming
for quiet...unsure because
I am not letting out my
emotive nature.

Brooklyn, New York

Tour this Saturday to my old stomping ground Boston
but more specifically Jamaica Plain. I am excited and
intrigued what is to happen out of this event. i wonder
who will show up and pay their respects and who will
take their Sunday night to relax as one should. I hope
to see as many old friends as possible with the most
genuine experience but I am afraid of the homecoming
as being an experience of rejection. I felt a slight bit
of separation over time, which is natural, but I wonder
how far such group feelings drift towards those who
reject the groups environment as a suitable place to
live. In a way, I am always dealing with this disposition
against me, that is the disposition of the nomadic
versus the dweller of one location. I have been applying
for many jobs recently, notably, a vegan babysitting job.
How perfect I dream of this job. I am vegan, loving and
would have so much fun with the sixteen month old.
The only job I have acquired here is a nude modeling
job I do tomorrow at one for a homoerotic artist. I miss
Baltimore now but am very happy as well in NYC. I
hope everyone is well or at least getting better.

 

Love and Light to you.

 Baltimore

I leave Baltimore this Saturday after playing three shows this week,
mostly for the same people. I look forward to seeing my friend Roxanne
tomorrow who is coming from Richmond, VA. I go to Brooklyn next,
go on tour after which, and release vinyl very soon.

I was recently featured on this podcast(2009-02-15.)
Right click to download.

Baltimore

To be here is to be nowhere
where the roots are in my thoughts
they are constantly fighting
fighting to find a place
and are ruptured with seconds,
not like the old life where your
roots are ruptured by months 
of opposition.

Baltimore

I forget the purpose of my placement here
but than nights like last where I wrote:

"Where is the space you can find where
you are able to make art?

Dancing.
When are you truly dancing, you have
split your identity and self-consciousness
to the ends of its potential in the present
situation. In making art, you must return
to the depth of your being, a certain essence
you can only bring out when all of your
energy is focused on the subject of creating
this essence. "

In this moment, all that exists among the
back drop of any environment is your
ability to intuitively create with the given
sounds or given driving principles or themes
amongst the current of creation happening
with an empty mind besides the flowing moment.

Your legs are your roots, love (for yourself
and nature) is your fuel, people's reactions
are a distraction, so you keep them out
of the act.

Balitmore

When you are living you are at default
to put your perspective forward as an
offering, as a way of being accepted,
as a way of finding your place within
a community. I find it troublesome at
times to convince my own self I am
doing good.

Am I doing good when i steal food?
More good comes out of whats bad
than good itself.
Am I doing good when I stay at a
place I have not payed for?
Everything has its time and place,
one must travel and stay on a couch,
one must be penniless and sleep
on the cement.
Am I doing good?

We all must pay our dues
to see for what they are used.

 Baltimore

In Numerology my life path number this year is nine.
If you are unfamiliar with numerology, you have probably
heard of it, it is basically the influence of numbers upon
your past, present, future, 
Numerology was once used by the mathematician Pythagoras,
who is known as the "father of numbers," who also had a realtionship
in his life to natural philosophy, religion, music, astronomy, and 
medicine fields who he has had a great impact. He is known for
the Pythagorean theorem as well as the first man to call him self
a philosopher, who was greatly aware of many fields to make
him a man of wisdom, especially among natural philosophy
and life cycles. He believed at the core of all beings their core
was number, as well as the knowledge of the core of how to
be was also number. Lastly, to make a man of wisdom even more
profound, supposedly this man had a golden thigh, and
also according to the philosopher Aristotle, he could travel
through space and time. This is  how far a relationship with
numbers can bring you!

Life cycles described in numbers to describe everything about
your life is exactly what Pathagoras was getting at, it is
exactly what numerology is described as as well.  
Find out here How to find your Numerology Life Path Number.
My life path number this year is nine.


I am number nine meaning I have
come to a completion or resolution,
coming to a new dauntlessness in
my step. In the matter of the life path
numbers, there is only ten numbers.
In 2010, interestingly enough,
I will be working with my life path
number of 10.

Here is a chart to give you a  clearer image
of the meaning of the numbers and their
relation to each other. 

0. Everything or absoluteness. All
1. Individual. Aggressor. Yang.
2. Balance. Union. Receptive. Yin.
3. Communication/interaction. Neutrality.
4. Creation.
5. Action. Restlessness.
6. Reaction/flux. Responsibility.
7. Thought/consciousness.
8. Power/sacrifice.
9. Highest level of change.
10. Rebirth.

Last year was number eight, or the manifestation of success,
power, sacrifice, where I brought a slow & steady progress to my
goals and reap the seed I sowed whether positive or negative.
Last year I began for the first time to live on my own, take the 
risk and sacrifice with living on my own with little help from the
outside. I started my first musical tours, and begun to see what
in a way I had been preparing for for a number of years. It 
certainly was the manifestation of success, as a extension of
my destiny number of four. Four is the representation and
influence of having a foundation, in a way it is the same influence
of Taurus, both offering certitude. The number of four was
doubled in 2008 by the number that represents my life path
number, or my destiny number came in connection with my
life path number by it self doubled.

Life path number in 2008:
8
Destiny number (never changes, every year):
4

Destiny number x2 = Life path number in 2008.

This year takes on the toll of an end of a cycle. I look forward to
resting and preparing for more travel but I hope to create a
system to travel in a more secure way. I am implementing
a simple structure with lots of work involved to prepare me 
for my future life. I have been gathering hundreds of contacts
for my new email. I have been gather press contacts, venue
contacts, record company contacts all for the preparation of
my coming work. I feel my life is about to start over as forecasted
for this year being of number nine. I feel old relationships finally
ripping apart, my honesty being the hell to induce the pain of
separation. Even though I feel I am being spiritual in my dealings
I feel almost unaware of my dealings, they are out of my hands.
I must fulfill my original plan and I cannot be distracted.

Dear friend,

I have become something.
You became the opposite.
Where we are together
there is not a star in the sky.

I hope to go some where, vanish, leave behind all my work
soak in the pain and strength of silence and self. I have
given myself completely to be a traveler, it means to be no
one, to constantly adapt to everyone, to be walked on,
sometimes to assume people will allow to to sleep at there
house. It means to have no agenda, little food, to be cold,
to lose ones identity completely in the clutches of time and
space transport but to keep one's self intact as it is always
there, unlike one's identity which is time and space relevant.
I want to go some where, where I am unknown and read,
write, not to talk about anything but to listen. I will sing.
I will not sing with words for a long time though. When I do
go and sing with words I will not be loud. My voice at first
with words will still almost not be words to the outside world,
only to myself, it will be so quiet only I will know. I will bottle
up my passions completely until I am ready to come out.
Come out with songs, and a being, but not words still to
share, since all the spoken words were kept for the unearthly
containment of writing and singing. Yoga today for the
first time in a long time, yoga was so pure and lively of
an addition to my day, yoga was great today and so
will be the rest of my life. 

Baltimore

This was posted on a Punk DIY website working as a source for putting on shows in a DIY or 'do it yourself' punk ethic type of way of the control of cities grip on store front properties and expensive licenses, among other red tape distracting the ability of business's to pay bands.
This website had a small comment of some matters I have been interested and researching currently. Interesting enough, again this idea has been brought to me through being in Pittsburgh since my first tour date was in Pittsburgh, where we were told off hand about the international summit of the worlds financial leaders called the G20 were meeting. The G20 is a collection of world bank officers and presidents in charge of the premier banking economies of the developed world.
G20 consists of:
Argentina, Australia, Brazil,
Canada, China, France,
Germany, India, Indonesia,Italy

Japan, Mexico,
Russia, Saudi Arabia,
South Africa, South Korea,
Turkey, United Kingdom,
United States & European Union.(2)

The G20 allows the participation of the
following an assemblies and organizations:

• International Monetary Fund
• World Bank
• International Monetary and Financial Committee
• Development Committee of the IMF and World Bank(2)

The organizations and assemblies listed above are all are related to the idea of the one world government
in the modern sense spoken by our president and in the repressive and dehumanizing sense of the theories forecasted
by George Orwell. The one world government may also be called (globalization or) the New World Order (NWO) but the difference between the terms is the one world government is a term of philosophy or a broad and basic idea, while the NWO is a term of recent politics.

You see, the NWO is also called the Anglo Saxon New World Order (ASNWO), revealing its direct relation to is origin in British Isles and North American central power. If the NWO is based off the power of two central nations, the new world is really being cleverly swooned into tactics of imperialism incapable by brute tactics of warfare or arming rebels to bring on coups.

These organizations and assemblies in a way through the NWO take away the dynamism and sovereignty of the individual nations to the hands of the seemingly greater whole. This is noticeable in the power of kings, our former scapegoat president, as they have become one with celebrities in the news, taken down from the position of demigods in the centuries preceding us ruled by law and before ruled by religion.The Japanese writer Keniche Ohmae comments on this subject saying nations themselves have become "fictions"(1)

Ancient philosophies talk of this idea of "all is one," or there is no difference between any brother and sister of the world, we should all hold hands and sing. The one world government may be associated or thought of in this sense but it would be rather incorrect. It is true wars around world between dividing lines would by logic cease. I hope they would but am unsure if they would by the nature of those warrior fulfilling their habits, by the devout of religions still yielding one another (more or less related to territory.) A large part of the control of wars has came under the influence of global media and its hand in global politics.

Business leaders in the U.S. and across the world speak together: the global marketplace is now indifferent to national boarders. This is completely contradictory to the most recent procedure of requiring United States citizens to have a passport when crossing the boarder, which places more emphasis on national identity in a time of homogenous economies and not only, arguably homogenous politics.

We cannot all hold hands together if we are not all developed nations. Under the NWO, there is a group of partners that rule over subpartners also called third world nations. The act of globalization does not reach to fund the growth of under developed nations as one would assume of a one world currency, one world law, one world health program and so on... Globalization fosters the same extremes of successors and those in debt to the rich successors: "The statistics are daunting. The share of the poorest fifth of the worlds population in global income has dropped from 2.3% to 1.4% over the past ten years. The proportion taken by the richest fifth, on the other hand, has risen. As one writer put it recently, rather than a global village, its a global pillage.(1)"

All I wanted in commentary in writing this. 
I hope someone reads this.

( If you are interested )

Baltimore

There is no time for poetry,
unless I write it.

Ever since my time in Brooklyn,
I have been incredibly a mish-
mash of things, although, it
had been coming for a while.

I end the last couple of days of
tour with a feeling of disappoint-
ment with those I toured with,
my performances, my tour mates
lack of focus, and thoughts of my
debt coming back on me.

I recently had a dream of being
back in Boston. In the dream I
was sleeping so nicely. I then
asked for my job back at the
ice cream shop. Now a days
I rest on the idea of getting a
good nights sleep, I watch calm
people as they go by on their bikes,
and wish for conformity.

Am I afraid I am falling off the deep
end? I am certainly a product of
my environment, so, it is more or
less I want to be more in control of
my emotions and feel the peace of
mind I once had. I have simple
demands. I as well want to be respected
a tad bit more, silly maybe, but I
know I cannot earn this respect until
I shape up and quit giving to everyone
else's plans of staying up until first
light.

Anyways, I am happy. Baltimore means
little to me so far but Brooklyn has seemed
to promise me a great deal of energy when
I return. Dylan gave me twenty dollars to
return on the china town bus from here.
He was afraid I would not return otherwise,
I guess I have a reputation for traveling to
the most suitable location or opportunity to
play a collection of shows on a small tour.
I was offered to stay on a farm in Georgia
and thought about how I could actualize
this after being here or in New York City.

I plan on staying in the coming week with
joraina  but for am trying to stay with
my tour mate for as long as I feel able
before I burn out this option.

This last tour was really the polarization of
the best and worst possible situations but
made me feel certain about the need to
tour with more than one band, which makes
affording gas a little easier, unless of course,
the vehicle necessary to transport everyone is
greater than the money able to make.

I am grateful of the last two weeks,
I will be humble in the next month.

Dekalb, IL

The human life is an electric battery
whose discharges have been repelled and castrated,

whose abilities and emphases
have been oriented toward sexual life
while it is made
precisely for absorbing
by its voltaic displacements
all the errants availabilities
of the infinity of the void,
of the increasingly incommensurable
holes of void
of never fulfilled organic possibility.

-Artaud

Chicago, IL

Take time to sleep,
take time to watch the low clourds.

My phone was lost and
my money, it was replaced by new
friends and percpetion of my needs.

We walked show to show, our
legs were tired.

I ran into friends in different places,
a good friend of mine lives with  a
new music friend I had never met.

Little things,
simplicity,
listening to others,
being happy.

Normal, IL  (7PM)----> Pittsburgh, PA (7AM)



My life,
the current
is well
because
I am the current,
Current as in flowing,
current as in present,
current as in being.

Normal, IL

The page is blank or white,
I cover it with black symbols.
I create a gray domain with
written words.

No wonder the poets fill the
library with tears, the common
people on prowl of keeping them-
selves, safe, close to white, away
from black, forgetful of gray.

Maybe you are blue
and I am yellow,
exchange theory promotes
us two as a good match.

Blue cannot create the effect
of calming, yellow is without the
power of promoting energy.
The problem is we both fear green.

Be here now with everyone else,
be green like conformity.

Normal, IL

Nadja just came to say in the nature of causing injury
or taking a risk in doing, either drunk or strongly affect
by some play she had seen an hour before, I was to
forget her and everyone like her. All I knew about this
play was that it involved doctors trying to repair a sick
girl who was primarily sick from a relationship she
was involved with years prior but it stuck with her I guess.
The doctor ends up telling her not to see him for a while,
go to the country abroad. Soon enough, she arrives back
from her stress free journey to find that her lover has
died, she cries for days but also sleeps very well for
those three days that week day. When she wakes up,
she fills a linen bag with bricks loose from around her
well and jumps in her car. She drives fifty miles to
Facusero, RH before she stops to puke on the side of
the road. Gets out of the car and walks until the flat road
of forest and field turns to city. She impulsively turns
around, drives back through the city and drives her
car off where the road meets a cliff at a turn. The car
makes much sound until like most things sustains
no sound or little sound, this car hissed, putting this
woman into a trance until she sat down.  She had
lost two things in two days but she just slept in the dirt
with her coat and pants. She was amazed that nothing
happen to the car, no police officers came, people,
not even birds or any animal to notice the destruction
of this machine. She wondered if this is truly how all
things end or it is really a message explaining to her
we don't need to rest too much worry and negative
wonder in death and turmoil of the past, life goes on.

Nadja kept on repeating with a chair in her hand
"The Siren and the Monster," she would cry and
than becoming happy almost, to start asking
me "What if we are both?" back to
"The Siren and the Monster," the way she held
the chair, almost dancing with it but all I could
imagine happening was her knocking me un-
conscious. I kept my distance,
she kept her repetition.

She was swept off in a taxi before she could
break my chair or my skin with it.

When I was my age (23) and not the age of
the supposedly author, on this day (Aug 11
2009), not the day of the supposed story,
here. We jumped the fence to the pool.
I thought about Nadja mostly when the
majority of the early youngsters broke
the rules, they expressed their fear equally.
This is the failure of partiality. Nadja
demonstrates how one must follow through
completely to be something. 
All sickness remains in the gray domains?

Normal, IL

My love for you circles the world but meets us here.